The major achievement in life is discovering yourself
I started writing few years ago, not because I wanted to pursue it, but to let out the pain and ease myself amidst my haunting thoughts. “Do not show what you really are“ “Fake it!“, were the sentences people pasted on my face, ’cause apparently hiding the truth was the ‘new cool’ HIDE- ’cause you need friends, “Who is going to befriend me if I cry out my desires and thoughts?“ “I don’t want to be a crybaby, or a narcissist“ I tagged my qualities with the worst words I could find, so as to only HIDE. The actions were to fit in, to squeeze in the line where thousands stood waiting, to get what others wanted. “Did I want it?” ‘It’ was the missing piece, the one I thought was the one which others had, but why was I not happy when ‘It’ landed my hands? I was getting lost in the maze of my thoughts, when a door emerged between the walls, so I ran towards it, opened and stepped out, not thinking for a second, if this is what ‘It’ is. If I had, I would not have surrounded myself with the plethora of magic in hand.
Why did you do this to me? Hanging me on the corner of the street, I feel vulnerable to my own thoughts, “why did you leave?” I know why you did, but I am not courageous enough to accept; it. But there is a hollowness to be filled. Who is going to be there to push me, to nag me, to tell me that I am not alone.
Why did you do this to me? leaving me alone, to figure out everything on my own.
Remember that time we were sitting on the stairs under the open sky and the aura was perfect enough that I couldn’t think of anything that could make the situation more than perfect. I was wrong, you made the moment more special when you looked me in the eye and I looked in yours. Nobody ever looked at me like you did. Your eyes were showering love and I wanted every bit of it. Why am I telling you this? Because now when I look back at that time, I feel proud that I filled myself with courage and didn’t care what others thought. Yes, we are different, we are unconventional and that is what makes our bond more strong. Because we are not here with each other because we are getting a status or any benefit or any materialistic thing, but because our bond is unconditional and our love is pure.
Have you ever gone to an Opera house and listened to the Opera singers, giving you the highs and lows of a note, with music backing up, making you feel like you are flying slowly upwards and downwards? You get the feeling of getting dissolved in the air leaving pixie dust behind. Or if not opera singers, have to ever listened to a violin playing soothing music, or a cello or a piano or any other music instrument? Have you? If you have, you could associate with the feeling I am talking about. Music makes you feel happy and content. Even neuroscience claims that singing or humming reduces stress to a great extent. As I addressed my state in my previous blog , I found a way to concentrate more on my writing and get rid of my hopeless irregularities. I could get more satisfactory thoughts by Rhythm writing, that’s right, that is what I call it.
So what is Rhythm Writing? It is not a major thing, but it changed my perception of doing things, increased my pace and helped me in focusing more on my work. All I did was, plug in my earphones, opened YouTube while I opened my blog and started writing the thoughts I was getting at that moment while the soothing instrumental played in my ears. I know, for many it may sound absurd but it worked for me. As the rhythm and the beats struck my ear drums, it gave me a sensation of euphoria but at the same time, a feeling of content. A feeling that, everything is fine and I am doing okay. The key is, to listen to sole music, no lyrics, just the instrumental. ‘Cause when you listen yo core music, you tend to introspect through all the things that means the most to you, you think about the person you love the most, the events that made you happy or sad or angry or changed your emotional state. This is why it is effective, ’cause it tugs at your heartstrings. The reason why I was under performing (as I state it), I was bounding myself to certain things. I know discipline is good, but if you don’t feel free, what’s the use of it! and the beats I am talking about, helped me to know what my boundaries were, I could introspect well. You know, it’s okay sometimes to change your decisions, to ward them off, till they are for your betterment. and this rhythm writing not only helped me with music, but my studies or any activity which I was indulging into.
Everyone has their own way of focusing on things, I discovered mine. if you haven’t discovered yours yet, you can always try this one out. and if you have, please share yours here. Till then, stay safe, be happy.
One month ago, I was in my room with a blank screen in front of me, taunting me and my ability to write. Many of the readers of bittersweetturns think that I write good (for which I want to thank all of them, for believing in me and especially for believing themselves). The point is, even though many think that I write well or they enjoy my creations, at that moment when I was staring at the white screen of my laptop and the screen stared me back with a question mark, nothing mattered. Every cell of my brain screamed silently for words to come off. Sadly nothing came, so I decided not to blog anything that day.
That was the biggest mistake I committed. Another day trailed behind that ‘one day of not blogging‘, and one more and the count went on, where I was in a hopeless position of not even wanting to open my blog to see the response. It made me more sad. To avoid the whole ‘not doing what I love’, I decided to distract myself with movies and web series and therefore came the idea of Soul searching, which also failed eventually. I thought I lost that spark to write, even though I tried. One of the readers advised to keep a dairy with me, which I did. But it only motivated me to pen down ideas and not the verses. I used to sit with my laptop and think about the ideas, but nothing seemed to be satisfactory. I was not able to figure it out, my movie review thingy didn’t work out, ’cause I felt like I was not good enough, there were complexities and apprehensions, ’cause I felt sometimes, “why would somebody come visit my blog, it’s not that good” But I was wrong. Maybe it was not good enough, but It was special for me. Writing is special for me. Everytime somebody asked me ‘when are we seeing a new post on your blog’, I used to say ‘soon’, but even I didn’t know when that soon was going to come
I think I got stuck when I started pleasing people, instead of helping them or helping me. After all I started the blog so as to keep myself motivated and in that process motivate others with whatever motivated me.
Never mind, I am past that phase now, and I am here to tell you that the phase I was in, was not writer’s block, that was me afraid of the failure.
How did I realise that? Well, through rhythm writing, which I am definitely going to tell you guys tomorrow. I know, I am testing your patience but trust me it helped me, and if you are facing anything similar to what I faced, please let me know, and surely visit again tomorrow to see how Rhythm writing helped me.