I toooook a long break,
Yes the ‘took’ has 5 o’s, and yes I took a long break.
I know I know, I’ve been saying this for a while,
but it is hard for me to decide.
With god’s grace I have got a job, friends I can rely on.
and finally found love of my life,
or have I?
But still, something is missing.
But what is it?
I lay down thinking,
thinking about that friend who pushed me over the cliff,
not because he hated me,
but for me to feel the wind over my face,
to smash my body over the ocean of my thoughts,
I know I’ve been on and off in this relationship with you,
but you know you are my home,
’cause even after I wander and roam to places,
I come back to you.
You are my escape, but when you get to close, you are a jail.
It’s hard for me to survive my own thoughts,
sometimes I ignore,
but how long can I run from myself
So I let them soak in, deep.
Only the positive ones though,
’cause you are a spectator, viewing the trails of thoughts passing by,
only to turn the light green for the thoughts to get to you,
not to be submerged in the darkness of our own flipped side.
I owe you an explanation,
Yes, I know I promised,
I am delaying,
Drifting away from clarity, maybe.
I need some time. To figure out,
’cause it takes years for exploration.
You cannot expect wonders within days.
Trust me, I’ll figure it out.
I’ll do whatever it takes,
to get it back.
I took a break, a long break, mostly soul searching;
in books and movies and web series, whatever I could find to get away from myself,
to indulge in stories, interesting stories, good stories, sad stories, obvious stories.
Now here I am, feeling satisfied, enough to know that I am not alone on this excursion to know myself.
There are hundreds out there.
So, this time, I bring the stories I have seen in the world of cinema, which are close to me, close enough to give a reflection of my inner self.
Every week, there would be poems depicting the stories. They won’t be movie reviews or critic but more than that.
Stay tuned for what’s about to come.
Wednesday, 10:58 AM
Kashmere Gate, Delhi
I stepped out of the train and looked at my watch, 10:58 AM, I climbed up the stairs and pushed through the people. I had 2 minutes to change the metro. People gushing into me, I crashed into a fat lady. I picked myself up and walked fast. I was already running behind the schedule, I didn’t want to miss this train. If I had I would have to wait for 10 more minutes for the next train.
Continue reading “How We First Met: Love At First Sight”
With my backpack sitting at my back I raced down the stairs to catch the metro with doors open, waiting for its passengers to board. I ran towards it when the doors started to beep before closing and in no time I found myself inside the metro successfully,
but my backpack was stuck between the doors. By then, I was scandalized by fellow passengers’ horrified eyes. I tried to get my backpack when the doors opened again and I got myself and my bag inside in one, complete piece.
Everyone stared at the anxious, panting me with a bewildered look. I was not liking the ambience, I never really liked awkward stares and pity, it reminded me of the time when I was ten and I puked all over the shoes of my school principal while I was on stage, getting my scholarship award. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life, I never stole anyone’s lunch after that.
I feel sometimes that my creativity is diminishing,
I see new people, with their talent,
their immerse engrossing talent,
and I am mesmerised,
but a little scared;
I think it’s my lowered self confidence,
or my tiny self esteem knocking me back in the stomach,
twisting my intestine, begging for my courage to show up.
I really don’t know what I am afraid off.
Or my own self?
I feel sometimes that this insecurity is just in my head,
that this Wallflower will bloom not just in early springs,
vanishing my existence.