Who says bad episodes shall never be experienced ? I say, live the bad experiences, for one shall know the importance of life, love and friendship. Remember the sun rises and the morning comes only after the dark night ends.
The place was warm and sweaty, people were running all together in same pace over the moving belts and big machines, some were lifting weights, others were doing sets of 5 and 10, pulling, pushing, sweating the pain and stress out of their bodies, to keep their minds focused and relieved. Myra was stretching at the corner, when Shrey came with a shaker in his hand, “Here, have this“, Shrey handed her the protein drink he had in his hand. Myra took two sips from the shaker and went to the treadmill for her 10 minutes run. It was long 3 weeks of self love and inner motivation that made both Myra and Shrey leave their dreaded desires: for Shrey his addiction of pot and for Myra her addiction of Roy. They both forgave themselves for the loss they did to their bodies and minds. But how did this happen?
Myra rushed to her dorm room and closed the door abruptly. She stood in front of the mirror and gazed at the reflection which was so horrified that she could not recognize her own self. Dark lipstick, big eyelashes, smudged eyeliner and smeared mascara, she was looking horrible.
She stared at the mirror for more than a moment and started talking to herself. “What have I done to Myself. This is not me. I look like a whore dabbed in powder and color, who has lost her name, her identity.” she took out Shrey’s handkerchief, looked at it and used it to wipe the black tears off her face.
In continuation of The Dreaded Desires: Desperation It was a month to that date when Roy asked Myra to be in a no strings attached relationship, or it maybe called a non-relationship. Because it was never a bond, just sensuality occurring.
Initially Myra thought that Roy was cracking a joke, that it was just a role play thing. Alas! She was naive and didn’t really know what was she entering into when she said yes to Roy in desperation. The hurt began when the trails of unpicked calls and lonely texts started again. It heightened when Roy only summoned her for a steamy session of making love. She always wanted to know the mystery behind Roy, but he never let her. They never talked but his touch spoke loud, which made her crave him even more. But the hurt was so high that she wanted to leave him, but she couldn’t. His touch made her go wild, even at night when she drifted to sleep, she dreamed about she and him under the sheets. There used to be times when all Myra thought about was Roy, his bare chest, his tan skin, his six abs. She could not control her heightened emotions. She used to wait late night for his texts, many times he didn’t reply but when he did, all he asked was for her lewd images. Usually she showed off the gap between her breasts. After a time she became extremely obsessive with Roy that she started losing her identity, her goals, her aspirations. All she wanted was to please Roy, that was her main agenda then.
Next morning Myra had a bad hangover. Her hair were frizzy and she was trying hard to get her out of the bed. Roy came to her and handed her a glass of water along with an aspirin. Looking at his bare chest she forgot her migraine for a while and stood up on the bed to give him a quick kiss for his sweet gesture. As soon as she came to his face, he turned towards the cupboard of his room. “You have 30 mins to get ready. Here, take this. I need to go to work so you need to hurry up” he tossed her clothes over to her. His rude tone reminded Myra of her physics professor she never used to like. “Can we not just stay a bit longer, it is so cozy here”, she stood from the bed as she slid her T-shirt over her head and started walking in the direction of Roy. “Last night was the best night of my life”, she hugged him from the behind such that her breasts were smashed to his bare chest.
“I cannot be with you anymore, I love someone else”, that’s how she crushed Roy. He was on the Sofa sitting with a photograph of him with a girl smiling as if he owned the stars. He remembered that day, when he brought her favourite flowers: blue orchids, and a box of chocolates to tell her how much he loved her for the first time. He clutched the photo tightly, reminisced her each and every detail, her curls, her eyes, the way she shied away whenever he came close. Then he started to think about Myra and how similar she was with the girl in the picture. Same innocent smile, the way she held him, the way she looked him in the eye, with desperation to get away from something, just like him. He felt like she was his alter ego trying to find the meaning she was left with. It was 2 weeks that he didn’t call her, even after when he told her he would. His paranoia didn’t allow him to, telling him that it would never be possible, because he was not capable of loving anyone anymore. All he wanted was to get away from the hurt. He never wanted to be vulnerable enough to feel the hurt again. And to get away he had to get intimate with someone.