I Feel Sometimes..

I feel sometimes that my creativity is diminishing,
I see new people, with their talent,
their immerse engrossing talent,
and I am mesmerised,
but a little scared;
too.
I think it’s my lowered self confidence,
or my tiny self esteem knocking me back in the stomach,
twisting my intestine, begging for my courage to show up.
I really don’t know what I am afraid off.
The people?
My friends?
My family?
Or my own self?
I feel sometimes that this insecurity is just in my head,
that this Wallflower will bloom not just in early springs,
but anytime,
vanishing my existence.

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82 thoughts on “I Feel Sometimes..

  1. Creativity increases and wanes depending on a lot of factors. What is going on with your life, hormone changes, chronic stresses, whether or not you are eating well. Talent is a latent thing that gets tapped or doesn’t. You could be a gifted violinist and never be exposed to single string instrumented, therefore, the talent gets unrealized. We are all on a journey. The fact that you may feel insecure about things is because you are comparing yourself to others. It’s a double edged sword because it is easy to feel like you don’t match up. However, it is an important self discovery — to see that where you are isn’t where you want to be. Imagine thinking you are great, and spending your whole life in a delusion. Growth is something that all people desire. No one wants to stay stagnant. I think you will be fine. Keep doing what is most important to you. Find out what is most meaningful to your life and pursue those things that you think get you there. It’s okay to feel down sometimes (or to feel any negative emotion really), but you are defined more about how you act after you have those feelings. Don’t give up.

    Liked by 8 people

  2. I am sure all of this must be temporary, because i have read your other blogs and they are wonderful.
    And by the way,
    Motivation always grows and boosts from inside. If you seek motivation just remember that things that are borrowed dont last for long.
    Stay motivated my friend.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. “I feel sometimes that this insecurity is just in my head”

    I second the reply that says “you are way too talented and creative.” I don’t follow many people but your on of them; if you stopped writing I would feel extremely sad and depressed. Many great talented people like you go through these bouts of insecurity and I guess it just part of the course of following a creative path.

    It’s all in your head so pay it no mind, or rather while your in it write about it, and work your way out of it.

    We are all here for you. Many people follow you and can’t wait to read what you write. So write your way out of this.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. You are suffering from the “imposter syndrome”. It is not a serious thing, everyone comes across it at times!

    In general, just keep taking small steps towards whereever you want to. That makes all the difference in the long run. (And that’s not a “motivational quote”. I mean it!)

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Have a drink, smoke a cigar, take a walk, and read something that makes you emotional. Say, fuck it dude. Then just write any old thing that’s coming into your mind. Poetry, lyrics, a manifesto. Anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Another error:
    “that this Wallflower will bloom … vanishing my existence”
    ‘vanish’ is an intransitive verb. You want something like, erase, rub out, blot out, annihilate, extinguish, get rid of, expunge, etc. (Ok, I checked a thesaurus! Sue me!)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I often wonder why people supposedly lose their creativity when they’re older. When we’re kids, we live in the moment. We’re not worrying or anxious (normally). We’re having fun and enjoying life. When we get older, our thoughts are no longer free to roam and daydream those wandering dreams. We fill our minds with bitter thoughts, regrets, anxious thoughts, angry thoughts–everything that weakens a mind and spirit and clutters the pipe of imagination with sewage. I am practicing eliminating negative thoughts and replacing them with joyful, grateful thoughts. It does wonders. And then, sometimes, you just need to take a walk, breathe in fresh air, and hug your dog.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Not feeling creative? “American Poetry” by Robert Bly. Get your hands on it!
    If you don’t have the money for it, get the money. Start a cult religion and pass the offering plate. Dress up as a Gypsy and tell fortunes. Lure an old lady into a dark alley under the pretext of showing her a short cut home and mug her for the money. Kidnap a seeing-eye dog and ransom him tor the money. There are good ways to get the money. But get the money, buy the book, read the book, and don’t worry about your creativity again!
    Bly is the most inspirational poetry critic on earth. The most inspiring person I know of for poets. If he can’t get you hot to create poetry, your heart is telling you to take up painting or something.
    All the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Priya, did you delete a comment pointing out the problem with the word ‘vanish’ or was it some problem with WordPress? I’m mentioning it again.

    I hope you don’t mind errors being noticed and pointed out. I am happy to learn about my errors, for now on, hopefully, I can avoid making that particular error! (though old/repeat errors exasperate and even depress me.)

    “that this Wallflower will bloom … vanishing my existence”

    ‘Vanish’ is an intransitive verb, while you want a transitive verb. Consider erase, remove, extinguish, rub out, blot out, abolish, etc.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Write with abandon, if that works for you. You don’t have to share it with anyone. Feel your own style. Then you might be less apt to compare yourself with others. Writing doesn’t have to be competitive. I don’t know if there are any readers who will read one and only one writer. There will always be those who want to read what you have to offer. That said, it’s okay to feel a slump. It’s like the stock market. It can’t be expected to be forever on the climb. Let things rest if you need. Then charge up your energy to inspire!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. My (many other bloggers too) thoughts yet your wonderful words, the similes, metaphors and imagery you used without knowing great indeed. Can hear your voice smilies etc me duh. Read it again you’ll spot.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. लेखन की परिणीति न लिखना ही है। रचनात्मकता खत्म नहीं हो रही बल्कि परिपक्व हो रही है। ज़िंदगी में यह दौर आता है जब ऐसा लगता है पर जब फिर से कलम याद आती है तो हम लौट आते हैं उन्ही पन्नों को रंगने। लिखते रहिये।

    Liked by 1 person

  13. As a printmaker I try not to go to too many art openings just for that reason. I start questioning how much work I’m creating or I start comparing myself to others. Even with writing poetry…I had to stop for 3 months last year because of my parents deaths. It wiped me out. And now again the words flow…If I look at the project of the dictionary…words= poems even I get daunted. If I break it into small chunks my brain can handle the idea…I worry sometimes maybe I won’t make it to page 2058 (58 is my lucky number…) Even I can freak out myself if I listen to that negative voice in my head….but for now I’m writing poetry and creating etchings..Even though it’s a lot of work for both …it makes me happier than if I wasn’t …see what I mean?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. You are amazing just the way you are. In those moments you seem to feel bland, that’s when your mind is coming up with something so amazing, it’ll inspire the world! Keep up the great work, and never allow what you feel to keep you from spreading your gift.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The poem is nice and certainly feels good and have deep emotions but don’t take my words too seriously I ma just no-name person.
    someday I might be writing as good as you…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I sometimes feel that way too, being a beginner in writing and blogging. I feel there are so many accomplished writers and I won’t be able to match up, that maybe I won’t have content to post, or that no one will like my posts… But I still gather courage and press on, knowing that everyone started small.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Don’t give up or give in keep going. Whenever a person gets closer and closer to reaching his/her goals or dreams it’s natural to normally start doubting yourself. But become greater than your doubt and fears. Focus less on others talents and gifts and keep perfecting yours. You have something special and see it that way. Don’t give up.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Lovely expression, Priya. I’m guessing you are in high school, or close, when almost everyone feels this way from time to time. We do when we’re older, too! The difference for you is that you are able to express it so clearly and with such emotion that your supporters will always know when you need their support.

    Every landscape is filled with flowers that are taller and shorter: with grasses that wave and lie flat. Without them all, the landscape would be weakened, lacking and less beautiful. Please keep playing your part. Thanks for visiting my blog, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Writing is more true than speaking. It’s direct. I find you think prettily. I understand VN’s comment which I happened to see about vanishing. I like your use of Vanish because of the completeness of the word, the wonder of it. In this world nothing ever truly vanishes /disappears into thin air like magic or a miracle does it?Being grammatically correct is not the main aim of writing, but of course we should acknowledge the and be able to articulate or word choices.
    Just because.
    -Neru

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Thank you. I was taking some time off, and now I am back again. I’m so glad that I took this break. I realised it’s necessary to pause for sometime and resume again.

    Like

  21. Thank you. I must say, children are the free spirits, questioning things, wondering why this or that happens. But when these children grow old, they start to worry, the surroundings and the people around them make them worry. The what if captures, and the older versions starts to do things to please their surroundings, they stop thinking and start following order, blindfolded and tied. Those who don’t, who live their younger version, are happy and creative and content. That’s the key.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. It indeed is. I have been on my vacation too like you were.
    And just to let you know being an online buddy, i am shifting to another website for some reasons. I would like you to stay connected.
    Will share the info as soon as i launch the same. Share any formal information to connect with you if you can.

    Like

  23. Hi there, I was not using WordPress for quite some time. So your comment actually didn’t show up on my blog. And no, why would I mind. I replied to your comment. Please look through 🙂

    Like

  24. I’m glad that I could relate to you. Never really knew that my posts could influence, could deeply mend someone. I am definitely going to mention you and this post in my upcoming blog. I know that what I was going through was not Imposter Syndrome, I am no fraud and I am proud of what I do. It was feeling which passed away. But I am happy that my piece got people thinking and actually making them realise what they are also going through.

    Like

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