I feel sometimes that my creativity is diminishing, I see new people, with their talent, their immerse engrossing talent, and I am mesmerised, but a little scared; too. I think it’s my lowered self confidence, or my tiny self esteem knocking me back in the stomach, twisting my intestine, begging for my courage to show up. I really don’t know what I am afraid off. The people? My friends? My family? Or my own self? I feel sometimes that this insecurity is just in my head, that this Wallflower will bloom not just in early springs, but anytime, vanishing my existence.
They say opposites attract, but they were so similar, parted only by an A in the name, mingled with same birthday, Their old school love was the charm, where everyone sought relationship advice from them, and they were not at all alarmed. it’s not like they never fought, just that, the understanding and respect was huge,
Here’s to their 3 long years and more in counting.
“Roll no. 71 and 72”, Dr. Paige called out the roll numbers to form the lab partners. With the pattern going, I was about to partner with Roy, the most unlikable person of our batch. I wanted to curse my name. Why did my name started with an S, why? Being a hardworking student, I never liked people who did little to be present in that class. The people striving to be more than they are, attracted me the most. Alas! I hardly knew anyone, how come I could have come across a person like that. It was freshman year and I only knew my roommate by then and interacted with good for nothing Roy who was my chemistry partner. “Roll no. 91 and Roll No. 92”, he called out my roll number along with Roy’s, as expected.
When I will be in love; I’ll blush when your name would be called by my friends, I’ll think about you more than often. Small things would remind me of you. Our songs would sing along in my ears, as I would take a seat in subway, I’ll day dream about us. I’ll bring you food from home, and call you when you feel nervous before your interview and talk you out. I’ll be your friend in need, your support system, your backbone, your listener, your advisor, whenever you need me through. When I’ll be in love with you, I’ll do what would be best for us.
love /lʌv/ Human chemical reaction leading to the release of happy hormones, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and what not.
Standing at the xerox machine, I waited for my notes to be printed. I shouted from the line to fasten the process, unfortunately all my efforts were useless. I had been standing in line for an hour and the situation was so bad that if I had opened my mouth, I would have uttered profanities. Finally after waiting so long, he handed me the notes as I beamed my furrowed brows at him.
“Excuse me“, a tall, lean guy tapped at my shoulder. “Are these chemistry notes?“, he seemed to be clueless. He had big spiky hair and was wearing spectacles. “Yes, organic. You can get them here.“, being new in college was worst. I knew nobody and nobody knew me. ‘He was definitely a guy from my batch, but what was his name?’, I wondered. Not giving much attention, I went upstairs to resume my study session. Exams were a month later, and coming from a scholar family, I had a lot of pressure to bring laurels to my family. I sat on my seat and opened my chemistry notes and began my studies.
Do you remember the first time we spent the night, your breath touching mine, and I could hear you heart beat so loud that I could hardly feel mine. I remember that time, you touched, I know I was afraid, but more than me, you were worried. You never wanted to hurt, do you?
But now that’ it’s over, I feel the sufferings I gave you. I know that I was at fault and I shouldn’t have done what I did, and, you were so nice that you never really accused me. I am so sorry, I really am.
But it’s been sometime, and now I realise; you loved me enough to let me go.