Hardest Choice.

Have we ever wondered, a mother’s silent cries?

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Her struggles, fears, and worries for us? Do we have time to ponder over her selfless actions in our busy lives? Have we ever thought of the sacrifices she has done in order to make our life happier, joyous, and her dreams cut short to make our dreams come true?

To all the mothers, you are pure radiance, you are the sun we can touch and kiss and hold without getting burnt. You are the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers.

I was lying on the bed, head resting on the soft, clean pillow, listening to music when she entered with a tray in her hand, hot chocolate, a cup of tea and my favorite choco lavishing doughnuts.

Being home was a blessing, when your mom gets you your favorite food, and spoon feeds you, wouldn’t it be a blessing?

She placed the tray on the small stool beside the bed and handed me my hot chocolate. She was indeed a perfection, knowing what I want even before I say it. I smiled and had my hot chocolate, it was just like the good old days.

“Sammy, how is college going, are you happy there?” She asked with concern in her voice. She wanted to know if I was happy, without her! Why wouldn’t she wanna know, it had been four month since I left for college.

“The college is going well mom, I have enrolled myself in many societies and the people are so nice over there, very helpful” I said giving her some relief. Mom took a sip of hot tea and then settled the cup in its saucer. “How about you mom, how is school, not much pressure, is there?” I asked wiping hot chocolate from my lips. “Don’t worry about me, everything is fine at work” she said.

I knew she wanted to know more about my life, like she always does, wanted me to talk out things. Moms always wanna know if their babies are alright.

There was a silence between us while we had our respective beverages. The silence ultimately became silent when she spoke, “In mornings when I go to the bus stop I always see your school bus, and I imagine how my little Samara once used to go in that same bus, I remember how you used to wave back at me while riding the bus, how you used to run back to me after school and we used to walk back home.”

As she was speaking a tear rolled down her cheek. Once that tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what just happened, my mom was crying, I never saw my mother crying before. It stabbed my heart like a great knife, seeing her small face, sad, covered with tears. At that moment I realized, how lonely my mother was, how hard it was for my mother to let go of me, to let me live my dreams, while she tugged at her heartstrings.

She and I were never hugging types, yet I held her, “It’s okay mommy I am here, your little Samara is here.” I said smiling, holding back my tears. “Sammy, I sent you far away with a sour heart, only for you to excel. I never wanted you to depart from me, you are my baby, I want you to fly.” She said still sobbing, still hugging me close. She had come at me with her maximum maternal velocity, she hadn’t held back a thing, not a single lick of her love. I wanted to sooth her and comfort her the way she had comforted her daughter all these years. I hugged her tightly, and cried with her.

I understood there was a hole in her heart which demanded my presence. She wished for me to come back, to her.

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One thought on “Hardest Choice.

  1. The standard word for mothers’ love for their children in Hindi is ममता. It is from मम-ता : “‘यह मेरा है’ इस प्रकार का भाव । किसी पदार्थ को अपना समझने का भाव ।” (Link, https://dsalsrv04.uchicago.edu/cgi-bin/app/dasa-hindi_query.py?qs=%E0%A4%AE%E0%A4%AE%E0%A4%A4%E0%A4%BE&searchhws=yes)

    (Mothers think that their children are their property — they are just too polite to say so!)

    Liked by 1 person

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