I took a break, a long break, mostly soul searching; in books and movies and web series, whatever I could find to get away from myself, to indulge in stories, interesting stories, good stories, sad stories, obvious stories. Now here I am, feeling satisfied, enough to know that I am not alone on this excursion to know myself. There are hundreds out there. So, this time, I bring the stories I have seen in the world of cinema, which are close to me, close enough to give a reflection of my inner self. Every week, there would be poems depicting the stories. They won’t be movie reviews or critic but more than that.
I stepped out of the train and looked at my watch, 10:58 AM, I climbed up the stairs and pushed through the people. I had 2 minutes to change the metro. People gushing into me, I crashed into a fat lady. I picked myself up and walked fast. I was already running behind the schedule, I didn’t want to miss this train. If I had I would have to wait for 10 more minutes for the next train.
With my backpack sitting at my back I raced down the stairs to catch the metro with doors open, waiting for its passengers to board. I ran towards it when the doors started to beep before closing and in no time I found myself inside the metro successfully, but my backpack was stuck between the doors. By then, I was scandalized by fellow passengers’ horrified eyes. I tried to get my backpack when the doors opened again and I got myself and my bag inside in one, complete piece.
Everyone stared at the anxious, panting me with a bewildered look. I was not liking the ambience, I never really liked awkward stares and pity, it reminded me of the time when I was ten and I puked all over the shoes of my school principal while I was on stage, getting my scholarship award. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life, I never stole anyone’s lunch after that.
I feel sometimes that my creativity is diminishing, I see new people, with their talent, their immerse engrossing talent, and I am mesmerised, but a little scared; too. I think it’s my lowered self confidence, or my tiny self esteem knocking me back in the stomach, twisting my intestine, begging for my courage to show up. I really don’t know what I am afraid off. The people? My friends? My family? Or my own self? I feel sometimes that this insecurity is just in my head, that this Wallflower will bloom not just in early springs, but anytime, vanishing my existence.
They say opposites attract, but they were so similar, parted only by an A in the name, mingled with same birthday, Their old school love was the charm, where everyone sought relationship advice from them, and they were not at all alarmed. it’s not like they never fought, just that, the understanding and respect was huge,
Here’s to their 3 long years and more in counting.
“Roll no. 71 and 72”, Dr. Paige called out the roll numbers to form the lab partners. With the pattern going, I was about to partner with Roy, the most unlikable person of our batch. I wanted to curse my name. Why did my name started with an S, why? Being a hardworking student, I never liked people who did little to be present in that class. The people striving to be more than they are, attracted me the most. Alas! I hardly knew anyone, how come I could have come across a person like that. It was freshman year and I only knew my roommate by then and interacted with good for nothing Roy who was my chemistry partner. “Roll no. 91 and Roll No. 92”, he called out my roll number along with Roy’s, as expected.
When I will be in love; I’ll blush when your name would be called by my friends, I’ll think about you more than often. Small things would remind me of you. Our songs would sing along in my ears, as I would take a seat in subway, I’ll day dream about us. I’ll bring you food from home, and call you when you feel nervous before your interview and talk you out. I’ll be your friend in need, your support system, your backbone, your listener, your advisor, whenever you need me through. When I’ll be in love with you, I’ll do what would be best for us.